


Fragments

by The_White_Rabbit42



Series: Home for the Holidays [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, It Gets Better, Kind of angsty, the fluff will come
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 22:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13017462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_White_Rabbit42/pseuds/The_White_Rabbit42
Summary: The past continues to bleed into the present, but you find not all the pieces that resurface are unpleasant.





	Fragments

You were getting too old for this.

 

The first thing you became aware of was all the stiffness that sang through you, creating a symphony of discord and discomfort throughout your body.  

  
The second was that you were practically sprawled across an empty bed.  

 

You and Gabriel had made the arrangement to sleep under different covers.  He offered to take the sheets and the lighter blanket, allowing you to take the comforter.  You found yourself half covered in yours with your arm and leg thrown over the now empty of pile of bedding that belonged to him.  You hoped your migration had occurred  _ after  _ he’d gotten up or else you were never going to hear the end of it, though he’d actually have to speak in order for that to happen.

 

Clearly, this arrangement was going to take some getting used to.  

 

You found him standing in front of the window with his back to you.  His hands were in his pockets, his shoulders slumped.  What struck you was how still he looked.  You could never recall him standing in one spot for more than a few minutes, not without that overflowing, almost manic energy of his making him sway or resulting in dramatic gestures.

 

You rolled yourself across the mattress, pulling the comforter with you as you threw your legs over the side.  Still warmly enveloped, you began to make your way over to him, the extra blanket trailing along behind you.  

 

“How long have you been up?”  Your voice was thick and groggy as you stifled a yawn. 

 

You stepped up beside him and he shrugged, the gesture more empty than casual.  “I can’t really tell.  It feels… strange.”

 

He looked distant, almost as if his body was there but the rest of him was on a completely different plane.  The world must have felt so different to him, and you wondered if that look was simply a reflection of how he felt. 

 

“How?”  You asked.  You wanted to understand what he was going through so you could help him, not that you were certain he would even accept it.  You didn’t really expect him to answer.  The old Gabriel would have danced away from the topic, deflected, or simply turned it around on you.  Now, you predicted you might get a noncommittal shrug, though silence seemed a more likely response.

 

“Longer in some ways.  Shorter in others.”  He glanced sideways at you as if sensing your surprise.  “Colder.”  

 

His lips turned up slightly into that small, partial smirk.  You couldn’t help but smile back.  

 

You couldn’t help but smile back.  “There’s still no way you’re getting under my blanket.”  

 

He hadn’t actually tried, but he had complained that it was chilly.  You hoped teasing him might help bring him back from wherever he currently was.  

 

He let out a soft snort and something briefly sparkled in amber.  For a moment, you thought he was about to toss something back at you.  Whatever it was fizzled out, however, and the small flare of warmth retreated once more.  

 

“Don’t you think you should get more sleep?”  He asked, changing the subject.  You imagined you didn’t look much better than before.  You didn’t really feel rested, just a little less like death warmed over.  

 

Now it was your turn to shrug.  “There’s always tonight.”  

 

The way the sun was already low across the sky, night wasn’t that far off.  While your brain had only intended to sleep for a few hours, the rest of you had other plans, your nap stretching out through the remainder of the afternoon.  There was at least another hour or two of daylight left, just enough to get something done.

 

“We should probably check some of the warding along the perimeter,” you suggested.  You knew your friends were cautious enough to keep it in good condition, but it made you nervous to see all the broken brush and leaves along the edge of the grounds.  

 

A low rumbling caught your ears from beside you, reminding you that there were other priorities to consider. 

 

“Come on,” you told him.  “Let’s go see what we can find in the kitchen first.”  

 

***

 

Having found only a handful of things left in the fridge, you added grocery shopping to your list of errands for the next day.  The cereal you both had, however, was certainly an upgrade from your previous meals.

 

The two of you ate in silence.  You were too busy running over the to-do list in your mind and willing away the aches that continued to blossom throughout your body.  Gabriel’s countenance continued to have that thoughtful, faraway look, and you noticed the longer it held, the further away he seemed to slip.     

 

You didn’t start to worry until he went completely still again.  

 

_ You woke up to the sound of banging cupboards.  You shot up in bed, your instincts on high alert as you trained your gun on the figure roaming around the small motel kitchen.   _

 

_ “Gabriel?”  You breathed, thoroughly confused as you watched him haphazardly continue to open and close random doors and drawers.  You rubbed some of the sleep from your eyes, as he pulled out a box of cereal before disappointedly tossing it on the counter. _

 

_ “Don’t you ever have anything with marshmallows?”  He complained. _

 

“Sorry, there’s nothing with marshmallows in it,” you teased, wondering if he’d remember.  That wasn’t the only night he’d dropped that line or woken you up by ransacking your kitchen.  At first, you couldn’t find any logical reasoning behind it other than his being purposely obnoxious, until you noticed how food would mysteriously appear afterwards.  It was always something subtle, something one of you might grab without the other noticing, and it was always just enough not to be obvious.  

 

Until he messed up one day by leaving you a box of microwave popcorn after you’d specifically gone out for some and come up empty handed. 

 

The look didn’t fade, but you caught the way the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.  “You  _ never _ have anything with marshmallows.”

 

“Maybe we can fix that,” you told him.

 

He made a noncommittal noise as he began to push the cereal around in his bowl.  

 

“How are you holding up?”  You inquired, trying not to let the silence push its way back in.  You realized your mistake, however, when you watched him stiffen.  He didn’t quite bristle, but he did sound a little like a cat whose tail had just been yanked.  

 

“I’m human,” he stated, as if that was all he needed to say.  The sour edge in his voice gave you a fairly good idea how he felt about  _ that _ .

 

“I’m sorry,” you told him, the words feeling wholly inadequate. 

 

“Not your fault,” he muttered, his tone softening as he jammed his spoon into the bowl and shoved some more cereal into his mouth, as if eating would magically ward away any further conversation.  You took the hint, though you found you weren’t as hungry anymore.  You forced yourself to finish anyway.  There was no way you would be of any use to him if you didn’t start taking care of yourself.

 

Gabriel’s gaze no longer wandered and at least he seemed more grounded again.  Unfortunately, that meant his focus remained stuck in the present and all that it entailed.  Slowly it began to shift, his eyes flicking surreptitiously to you.  You debated whether to say something about it, but you figured you didn’t need to find out if you had room in your mouth for your other foot tonight.  

 

Eventually, whatever was on his mind bothered him enough to find a way off his tongue.  

 

“You didn’t have to do this.  You still don’t have to,” he insisted, and you set down your spoon with a silent sigh.  You really had hoped you’d settled this.  Before you had a chance to reiterate your point, he surprised you by adding, “Thank you.”

 

The words sounded stilted and you wondered just how many times he’d ever used that phrase.

 

“Thank you for helping save the world.” You smiled sheepishly, realizing you had yet to acknowledge what he had done.  From the look on his face, you might have been the first one to do so.  

 

He nodded, dropping his gaze back to his dinner.  You floundered for something else to say.  He clearly didn’t want to get too close to anything significant right now, but talking about the weather or what he’d missed on TV seemed too superficial and almost insulting to your relationship with him. 

 

You decided to let him take the lead.  Maybe silence was what he needed.  

 

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” he began again, his tone edging a little closer to normal.  “How’s Tony?”

 

Your spoon slipped out of your hand--

 

_ \--panicked twisting, iron, gripping your arms, closing around your throat, unyielding, growing tighter with warning, a chill across your skin, beneath that touch, within your veins-- _

 

\--dropping into your bowl with startling clatter.  You hadn’t heard your brother’s name since the funeral.  Most people knew better than to mention it anymore.

 

“Sugar snap?”  

 

You’d never heard Gabriel sound so uncertain before, his voice jarring you enough so you could refocus.  You swallowed against the rising heaviness in your chest, blinking back the sharp sting of your grief and tears.  “He’s dead.”

 

You don’t know if the former archangel sensed the echoes of your distress or if he simply went a few shades lighter because he knew how much your brother had meant to you.  

 

“I - I didn’t - shit, sweet tart, I’m sorry.”

 

_ Sweets _ ,  _ gumdrop _ ,  _ honey buns _ , he had a never-ending supply of nicknames for you and every pretty face he came across, but this one had somehow become yours.  Hearing it helped keep you grounded, and for the first time since you’d picked him up, you felt like  _ your  _ Gabriel was there again.

 

He might have been the only thing at the moment keeping you from getting swept away in the riptide as your emotions battered against your walls, fighting their way to freedom.   

 

“Not your fault,” you said quietly, quickly rising and abandoning what was left of your bowl in the sink.  You turned the water on, intending to rinse your things, but you absently let it run as you leaned against the edge of the counter.  You felt worn again, more than you did when you realized how much of his bright personality had faded, more than you had when you’d first pulled into this place, more than you had in a long,  _ long _ time. 

 

You rubbed a hand over your face, feeling a familiar, prickling pain wind its way up through the base of your skull.  It was barbed and bitter, well on its way to creating a headache.  You turned the faucet off again, your bowl completely forgotten.  

 

“It’s going to rain,” you announced, your eyes straying out the window, not surprised in the least to find clouds gathering on the horizon.  “I think maybe we should just try to get some sleep.  We can check things tomorrow.”     

 

Gabriel moved up beside you, silently dropping his dish next to yours.  He looked like he wanted to say something, gold overflowing with something soft and malleable.  The moment for it passed, however, and whatever the sentiment was remained unspoken as he trailed silently back up the stairs behind you.  

 

You went through your routine on autopilot, too lost in thought to consider the fact you were about to share a bed with Gabriel, of all people.  Sure, you had earlier, but napping was different.  

 

**_“_ ** _ Go away, I’m tired,” you grumbled, doing your best to ignore the archangel jumping on the end of your bed. _

 

_ “I have all the time in the world, sugar plum,” he reminded, continuing to make your body jostle every time his feet hit the mattress.  _

 

_ “Do something,” you whined to your brother who was stretched out across the other bed, casually flipping through a lore book as if he hadn’t a care in the world.  _

 

_ “This is why  _ **_I_ ** _ don’t take in strays,” Tony reminded.   _

 

_ “Did you hear what he just said?  Are you going to let him get away with calling you that?”  You feigned indignance, hoping to deflect his attention onto your less-than-helpful sibling.   _

 

_ “Don’t change the subject,” Gabriel tutted, giving a final, exaggerated leap before diving toward you.  He landed effortlessly on his side, his head propped up on his elbow, not a hair out of place, while the resulting impact bounced you over the edge.  Your limbs became a sprawling mass of ungraceful panic before something invisible caught you, deftly tossing you back up onto the sheets.   _

 

_ “You have no idea what you’re missing out on,” he insisted.  “There’s a whole world out there you’ve never seen…” _

 

_ You glared at him.  “The only thing I want to see right now is the inside of my eyelids.  Besides, I can’t just take off.  We’re in the middle of a case.” _

 

_ His eyes glanced up at the ceiling, lips pursed thoughtfully, before he raised his hand and snapped.  “Problem solved.  It was a maenad, by the way, and you’re welcome.  Now, where should we go?” _

 

_ “To sleep,” you grumbled, turning your back to him, and you could have screamed when he decided to yank the pillow out from beneath you.   _

 

_ “Tonyyyy,” you whined, your eyes flicking to where your brother had hidden a sigil near the side of his bed.  It hadn’t been for Gabriel, but blasting  _ **_his_ ** _ hide across Creation seemed like a good idea now.   _

 

_ “Not my archangel, not my problem,” your brother told you, tossing the book on the end table.  He gave a languid stretch before pulling out his laptop.  “Thanks for the afternoon off, Goldy,” he finger gunned at your unwelcome guest.  “I’ve been dying to play this new game that just dropped.”   _

 

_ You grabbed your other pillow, debating who you wanted to smother more: your brother, the pain in the ass behind you, or yourself.   _

 

_ “Sorry, sweets, if you can’t play with things properly…”   _

 

_ You whipped around, jabbing him in the chest with your finger.  “Leave me with nothing to lay on and I swear to your father, Gabriel...” _

 

_ He smirked, gold dancing with amusement in a way that did not bode well for you.  You clenched your jaw.  His smirk widened.  His hand crept up, drawing out the moment until your stomach was a nervous tangle of anticipation.  He finally snapped, and your eyes slipped shut, your entire body cringing as you awaited your fate.   _

 

_ Warmth and surprising softness enveloped the side of your face, the smell of peppermint and cotton candy tickling at your nose.  There was something else beneath it, something you could only describe as inherently masculine, divine -- Gabriel.   _

 

_ You cracked an eye open to find him now sprawled across the bed sideways, your head resting on top of his stomach.  He was lounging on the pillows he’d stolen, his hands behind his head as he grinned down at you, waiting for you to unleash your fury.   _

 

_ Only you couldn’t get past the fact that he was  _ **_so_ ** _ warm, his skin a simmering inferno that his clothes couldn’t contain.  The combination of heat and his scent was surprisingly relaxing, and you found your irritation melting away.  _

 

_ You drew your arms and legs into your body, settling yourself into a particularly soft spot on him.  “Joke’s on you, feathers, I’ve slept worse places.”  _

 

There were nights long after he’d died where you could swear you smelled him, that unique combination teasing along your senses.  You could almost smell it now…

 

You splashed cold water on your face, dispelling the thoughts.  It was clear that angel was gone, at least for the moment.   

 

By the time you’d changed and come out of the bathroom, Gabriel was already in bed with his eyes closed.  You turned off the lamp, finding just enough ambient light left outside to allow you find your way across the room.  You slipped beneath the comforter, wrapping yourself snugly within it, as if it would safeguard you from all the uncertainties you faced and from the other, less pleasant pieces of your past trying to spill over into the pleasant.

 

Being haunted by what had happened wasn’t unusual, but those little snippets of warmth Gabriel resurrected alongside him helped make the world seem a little less empty.  Just his presence was a comfort, though you couldn’t feel it the way you used it.  It used to be so large and overpowering, but now your senses faintly tingled with the knowledge that he was lying just behind you.  Either way, it was nice, It was nice not to be alone anymore.  

 

You had no idea how much better he felt knowing you were there as well  _ or _ how many of his own memories were beginning to surface.  


End file.
